O BAMA

Some questions in life simply refuse to go away; they simply keep lingering in your mind, playing with your sub conscious, toying with your intelligence prompting for an answer. Whether the answer is right is immaterial, it’s just that it keeps your conscious in peace with yourself and helps to sleep at night. Below is one such question for which my hideous brain took whole of 1 and half month to figure out there by allowing me to be in peace with myself finally!.

Y did big daddy of the world visit India when he simply could have sat in his beloved country and sent chills down the spine in India (by simply talking about ban on out-sourcing). As we all know the whole of engineering students manufactured year by year in engineering colleges directly depend on outsourcing, thereby allowing country's future to be dictated by big daddy.

So when he had power to play with India's future why did he come down to India? Why did he seem so desperate to have good relationship with our country? Why did big daddy's wife have to dance with small children to pathetic bollywood music? Usually when I’m faced these type of monster of an question I turn to engineer’s best friend(Google.com),but then there are some question's which even the mighty Google cannot answer for e.g. why did God take exactly 7 days to create the world? Why did he create world first then the light? Why won't Wenger sign a good goalie? Why do Liverpool fans dream of winning premier league one day?

When the god fails to answer people usually turn to devil or may be vice-versa (I’m not here to instigate a religious debate), so I turned to media. Every channel was obamafied, they dissected both Obama and his life and feasted on it, to an extent that if terrorists wanted to know plans of big daddy, they could switch on to any of the channel and there it was.

U have to be very careful about media, they are very persuasive. They are very good at making you believe whatever they are telecasting is the absolute truth. For few days they had me believed that big daddy had come because it was practically impossible to ban out sourcing, That was until I met the man who was real reason behind Obama’s visit to our country and I am very happy to reveal that he is one of our friend.

When I had been to my home town I got info that the Mr. Kommu has shifted his base to Mumbai. Adding to that Mr. Raja was embarking on a journey to Mumbai to attend a movie making competition, so I decided to meet them. Little did I know that this meeting would answer that monster of a question.

I called up Mr. Kommu and Mr. Raja and found out that later busy in making movie. So I decided to meet Kommu at his place. I met him at local railway station; he invited me to see his place which I gleefully accepted. We went over to his place, started talking about things which made sense and things which never made any sense. I had heard people saying that Kommu's database was huge, so decided to browse through his database and hoped to stumble on to some answer which would put my conscious in peace with myself. So I let the monster to fill empty space in room rather than my head (I have got little space in there :) ). He laughed at that monster; laughter had sarcasm written all over it. Sarcasm as it appeared was fueled by the confidence that he knew what exactly the answer was, it was the same confidence that oozes out of Thuka if you ask him how to prepare bomb or if u ask Napster do u know about android or if u ask Mata about a p**n website or ask Sathu about Sanskrit or if u ask Thatha about anything.

He removed a gadget from his pocket, the gadget which distinguishes him from large crowd. It’s like gadget used by batman to save Gotham city. Iron shield on iron man, he thrives on it just like we thrive on air, it was his cell equipped with GPRS. We all know light travels 299 792 458 m / s but we never experience it, the closest I have come to exercising anything in that range is to see how Mr. Kommu goes about operating his mobile. With his lightning quick fingers he opened browser and typed something which looked familiar. If only GPRS was any way near Kommu's speed I wouldn't have been able to catch a glimpse. He had typed facebook.com.

He asked me "Do u know worth of this?"

Me "nope"

H:"25 Billion $"

H:"Do u know how many users in India use this?"

M:"nope"

H:"Do u at least know what this is?" I could hear frustration creeping out in his voice

M:"Yup" that was offensive I thought

H:"so any idea how something available for free is worth that much?"

M:"Hmmm……….. No" don't try to create another monster in my mind, its small and I don’t have much space left.

H:"it’s like people who place their ads on facebook have to pay the owners of the site, and also links and such other stuff bring huge revenue"

M:"I m getting it now...but then what has it got to do with big daddy's India visit?"

H: with a wicked smile “I’ m getting there...have you ever seen my profile?"

M:"No “suddenly it was like viva after lab practical’s for which my answers would always be no. Dint really matter what the question was

H:"Facebook has list of premium users for whom they pay to use their service"

M:"Wow Jaw dropping" Literally. You use something for free adding to that you get paid to use that, How cool is that?

H:"They pay them because they have huge number of fan following. there are people out there who are eagerly waiting for their status update .there are people waiting to comment on links ,videos or whatever crap shared by them. If someone comments on any of this crap facebook gets payed for it, and mind u they get paid handsomely. So what it means is that whether they like it or not, they depend on these premium users for their revenue. So if these premium users stop using facebook there revenue will automatically drop."

M:"Continue please…"

H:" As the revenues directly depend on these premium users, there is a chance of facebook being heavily dependent one particular user. If that user threatens to pull out of facebook it causes turmoil."

M:"You are getting somewhere with this right?" frustrated that not able to get anything.

H:"As you know facebook is based in America and its a 25 billion$ enterprise. It’s natural for a country’s spearhead to look nervous when his empire is threatened by an outsider? Isn’t it"

M:"So u are saying that some from India features in that premium list, and his threatening to pull out of facebook bought big daddy to India" still confused!!

H:"Exactly “he was relieved that finally I got something

M:"and who is this person?"

H:"Me"

I know my ears are bit deaf (gift of listening to metal) but then even they wouldn’t be able to fool me into hearing some name as me. Dead silence followed; suddenly everything made sense starting from big daddy's arrival to Kommu's sarcastic laugh. Kommu's denial to use facebook had bought world's most powerful leader crawling to India and if I may add with his tails between his legs.

M:"when they were paying you to use facebook y did u threaten to pull out?"

H:"Obama threatened to ban outsourcing, thereby putting youth's future in jeopardy. I knew the only way I could bring Obama to his sense was by this. It’s tit for tat. "

There it was the monster beaten to death. I felt like Buddha under a bhodi tree.

Mr.Wineger

Following is the excerpts from interview with mr wineger after recent Chelsea match

Me:-“Arsne bad result huh?”

Arsne: “Yeah ! u got to beat ur rivals if u want to win the title”

Me: “ So u saying u are thinking of winning the title”

Arsne:” I din’t say it…don’t twist my words”

Me:” So what went wrong?”

Arsne:” Our strategy back fired”

Me:”can u explain where exactly it backfired”

Arsne:” In dressing room”

Me :“can u elaborate a bit on that “

Arsne:” As u know that black whore drogba scores for fun against us…so we had a stategy to scare him away”

Me “wats the strategy?”

Arsne:”I don’t want to give it away….we can use it next time”

Me:”common arsne whom are u kidding? U winning against them?”

Arsne: “Again don’t twist my words ..I never said we are gonna win against them”

Me:” Sorry about that…. can u please tell me what the strategy was”

Arsne” Well I had asked both Song and sagna to get the weirdest haircut possible. Song did fanstatically well on that but sagna din’t respect my words enough….he came as he used to come for other matches and u all know what happened next”

Me: “so weird hairdo to stop world-class player? Is that it?”

Arsne:” well wat do u think I am…magician….i’m an average coach that’s all”

Me ” U said that the strategy back fired in Dressing room?”

Arse:” good that u din’t twist my words….well when song entered the dressing room I heard babies crying so I turned back. I could see wilsher and nasri in a mess wetting their pants , later I realized that it was song’s appearance which had done all these”

Me “Trying to scare Drogba and ended up scaring the shit out of ur team???”

Arsne:”well I have said u I’m an average coach”

Me: “but people say that you are a excellent coach, u have brought financial stability to the club”

Arsne: “Well what can I say? People confuse good businessman for a good coach”

Me:- “So whats u r mantra for financial success of arsenal”

Arsne: “Simple!! I bet all the club’s fortune against it when we play Chelsea”

Me: “that’s amazing…well how is the mood in the dressing room?”

Arsne:” Everyone is buoyed”

Me :” Buoyed after defeat? That sounds weird”

Arsne: “Alex’s freekick could have easily killed someone on ground…my players and their families are happy that they are alive and in one piece “

Me “ so everyone is fantastic mood then?”

Arsne: “everyone except chamakh”

Me: “Chamakh…any injury worries?”

Arsne: “After heading so many balls off target he thinks that he is suffering from brain damage”

Me:”one last question arsne do u know many people call u horse-anal?”

Arsne:”Well I know..i would prefer if they called us French-anals”

Me:”French anals??”

Arsne:”No No! don’t twist my words I said French canals”

Me “well thank you arsne for ur precious time”

Arsne” thank you”

About A Girl

True that this tag line is inspired by Nirvana, but what they sang and what I m penning down having nothing in common. let me get started and I will leave it for u to decide whether any similarities exist, you are not supposed to have a girlfriend when u spend your weekend glued onto the TV wishing your favoright soccer team to win everything and screaming the roof off when they score goal and whine like dog when they concede one. In truth its difficult to have them when u are too much attached to the 4 F’s (Family ,Food ,Friends ,Football).U won’t be having anytime to spend with them…u are always busy in something or other. Adding to all those is my physical appearance. I m whole 6ft tall and 85kgs in weight, this huge appearance helps in some while screws up some other .Seniors thought twice about ragging me(seldom it helped me as I ended up getting screwed) but when it came to girls it dint do any good…not that I would mingle with them, I would never have the courage to do it but it just dint help… but did all these stop me from going the distance…….. no I guess.

It was unusually dull day. I was just hanging with my cousins who had nothing to talk but recession and how it affected computer science (my branch!) and god I hate those talks. They won’t be knowing shit about it but they talk as if its going to affect there kitchen. I was feeling little low……just hoping that something would make the day quite interesting and then came the call from my dad which would put an end to my misery .He had been to bank ,he had forgotten the passbook. He wanted me to give me it to him. With the pass book in my pocket I jumped onto the bike kicking engine to life. it was a tedious drive as traffic was up to its neck.

.I had planned to get out of there ASAP, so as I reached there I told my dad that I had some important work to attend to and it would be better if I left now, as it turned out my dad had other plans too, he wanted me to meet someone. I love meeting people but not of my dad’s age, we have nothing in common, nothing to discuss, nothing to argue about, but that was not going to stop my dad was it?. A lady in her early 40’s emerged from the bank’s door. She was the one my dad wanted me to talk to .She introduced herself as my relative’s friend. She wanted to know the pros and cons of computer science (CS) branch, her daughter was going to switch from E&E to CS. Things got quite interesting when I said it would be better if her daughter itself speaks to me because there were many things that she wouldn’t understand (one among those things was that I wanted to make things interesting). My dad was quite amused …. Who wouldn’t? If someone who was reluctant to speak for few moments is in all smiles and looking patient enough to speak for hours.

It took her whole 10minutes for her to get out of the bank and get to where we were. I was struck by thunder bolt ( Pacino in godfather). She was dressed in all red; she was beautiful just like bright red rose bud in the early morning sunshine. There was something about her look which would make many to skip a beat .She had those beautiful long hair which made her look even more even attractive .Her grin would take my breath away imagine what would her smile do ?.Her voice was damn sweet like a little bird humming. What fascinated me the most was her body language, she was supremely confident and never seemed to be intimidated. Her hands were wrapper around a pink I-pod (lucky i-pod) .She was not listening to those but she held it .She strolled towards me(In fact she strolled towards her mother who was standing right in front of me but I like it pen it down this way!).She introduced herself as an E&E student .We were having the conversation only because she wanted to know whether switching from E&E to CS would do her any good so we never deviated from that topic. She had scored 80+% in her 2nd sem exams and had an opportunity to get into CS.I said if she loved programming and such stuffs then it would do her would do her world of good ,how physically less demanding it would be, how a semicolon would decide your fate in the lab, how you can bunk classes and roam about, she seemed to like it all. I guess she had already decided to switch she just needed some clarity about that I provided it(guess so).she said it was nice to meet me, asked my name .Being a dumb which I certainly am I lost out on the opportunity of asking her name.

The problem with being the only person in the family to know how to drive the car is that, you become family member less and driver more. If they want to go to market, temple, hospital, even marriage for that instance it requires you to go with them. I have a weakness I just can’t say no to my mother, when she asks me something with please in its suffix or prefix. Whole family was preparing to attend marriage I being the driver was included by default. There are always positives and negatives for everything in life attending marriage is no exception .negative was that u needed to attend an family quiz program (where somebody pops up and u need to identify them….no need to tell how seldom u get it right).positive was that u could hang out with the cousins and do what do best(u know what I mean).I parked the car outside the kalyan mantap and I walked in with my family….few minutes later I realized I had forgotten the cell in car(I just cant live without forwarding messages ),I went back to the car to get it. was about to opened the door when somebody honked soo loud that for a second I thought somebody was crashing my head with a sledge hammer, I wanted to curse him, so I turned back to get started with it.

There she was with her father, dressed in all black. Her face was like little bright star in pitch dark sky. I was wondering whether she will recognize me or not (I certainly was!!). God bless those who found the central locking system with that click sound, that sound drove her attention towards me then came the cute little hi .I acknowledge her back. She introduced me to her father ( no other option as he was too close to us).I wished to walk with her inside, I just wanted to be with her ,talk with her. my wish materialized as her dad caught up with some old friend of his .I spent too long searching for the right world I guess, she asked me why was I so silent (even I wondered why was I silent? may be because she was so beautiful that my mind refused to think about anything else).I asked what she decided about switching branches, she was sure of it. on our way inside I introduced her to my sister ,my sister was in hurry she giggling( y the giggle? ) at me she rushed out with her cell phone in her hand .We both sat together just hobbling on with some topic, suddenly something flew towards her and caught her in the eyes. It was my cousin(he is a moron) who created that mess….yes he dint have any others intentions other than returning my i-pod to me but it was not the way I wanted him to do it. I called my cousin over and asked him to apologize to her which he duly obliged. I enquired her how was she felling now, I was not going to let my stupid cousin steal that moment from me, and somehow how I wanted to make it right, her speaking would be a good sign. She saying that she was fine was even better one .She asked me whether she could get a look into my i-pod, I handed it to her. She was quite impressed my collection (girls generally don’t like heavy metal and rock, strange that she liked them). She asked me whether she could get me some songs, yes was my replay. The I-pod told quite a bit about me ,it was quite easy to see I was a football buff (who wouldn’t if ur favorite soccer team is all over i-pod) .She asked me which was my favorite soccer team answer dint surprise her. I tried explaining the rules she dint get it. She came to know that I worship lance Armstrong just like he is the only eternal truth(I can speak about him for hours).Her family wanted her to join them for dinner, she invited me too, that would make things fishy so I said I would be having the dinner with my family she waved goodbye….I was lost in the moment .

I usually hangout with my friends in their college. Usually the place blessed by us would be the bike stand .That day was no exception as we decided to kill sometime .I reached there in time (to kill time I am always on time) .I was wandering around the bike stand wondering why my friends dint show up. My phone rang it was my friend; I learned form the conversation that they would be 10min late. In the vicinity was a gang of girls buzzing about some topic. A voice which was familiar to me was chirping in that group. I never wanted to forget that voice. She was in her uniform…she looked absolutely amazing even in her stupid uniform, she looked so beautiful that it would fool someone into believing that uniform looked well on everybody. It was more like she making the dresses look beautiful rather than other way around. I wish I had the courage to go talk to her .Glad that she saw me and waved at me I waved back. She signaled me to join her. I went over; she introduced me to her friends. I being a dumb which really I am I asked the same question about the branch change, she burst out laughing. It was embarrassing, in front of group of her girls if somebody laughs at u, its like hell building around U. they dispersed except her guess they had some other job rather than just standing and watching we both talk. I know I am poor at socializing with girls but never thought I was below par. She seemed to recognize it; she said that I had no idea how to talk to girls (so true!).My sis had told her even though I looked sturdy, I was fun loving kind of person, cracking jokes and making everybody around me laugh but at that moment I failed my sis miserably. I was fumbling for words but somehow gathered myself up and started to talk something that made sense. I asked her did she get used to new class, new friends, new subjects, and new lecturers. Questioned her about what she thought of CS, about labs. there were many things which I wanted to ask her which called for massive courage, not surprised to see myself totally down on it, wanted to ask her what she thought about me ,was she comfortable with me talking to her ,did she have a boyfriend?(no I think …I think so because by now either I would have spotted him or the vice-versa, either way we would not be having this conversation so freely )most important I wanted to ask her out for the dinner. Life is full of surprises isn’t it? Hell yeah ,she asked whether she could drop by my home sometime to get the songs, I wouldn’t say no to any of my friend coming to my home certainly not to her. I was so immersed in all that I had forgot why was I there .Suddenly somebody yelled out my name I just hoped it was not any of my friends because that would for one thing let the rabbit out of the hat and for another I cannot stand the comments I get from my friends. It was some other human being calling out some other with the same name. I looked over my shoulder to make sure that nobody was in the vicinity. Y do always beautiful thing in life happen in a flash? May be because they loose their thrill when elaborated. She asked me whether I could be at a restaurant at 8:30 for dinner and the instantaneous yes popped out of my mouth. I never even paused for a moment to check my schedule not even to check whether my favorite soccer team was playing that night. It all happened in a flash.

I got dressed up!, Neat and tidy for the first time in life , as far as I can remember. My sis was amazed to see me that way. She earlier had asked me drop her to someone’s place. I was more than happy to do it as it would give me an opportunity to go out, without answering any real tricky questions. I dropped my sis to her friend’s house; I would pick her back again. I arrived at the place 10min late blame my driving skills for it I m not good with driving cars. Hoping my late arrival had not done any real damage started to look for her. There she was dressed in all white like an angle, like a heap of snow beautifully sculpted, like a little white Lily gracefully sprouting out of Mother Nature, her eyebrows bent like a rainbow, her hair fluttering in the cool breeze. But real jewel in the crown was the splendid smile which she wore soo naturally. She was standing in the middle, galloped by her friends(y the hell was her friends there and y the hell was I moaning about it?).It was pitch black night moon to be seen nowhere. I guess moon never wants to be second best but with her in whites he was always going to be the second best. As I walked towards her something shiny caught my attention. It was a gift wrapped with those glittering papers and a label on it read” happy birthday!” It was her birthday does angels have birthdays?? But she had and I was there without anything to gift her. What would I do now? Go back get some gifts?. Even before I had time to think about it she was right in front of me. I was feeling like shit? How could I be so dumb? How could I just walk into a birthday party without any presents? What would she think about me?. It was hurting me to go through all this. we all gathered around the beautiful cake. It was huge, with a thick layer of the cream on it wonderfully decorated. Happy birthday written across as if It screamed hey moron its her birthday. She lit the candle on the cake, chorus began to sing the birthday song ,I joined too that was the least I could do for her. Party went on smoothly. It was time to leave I went up to her wished her once again, said that I was going to leave. She escorted me the parking lot. sometimes u get rewarded for being dumb, she said something soo beautiful that it made me proud be dumb for the first time, she said having me at the party was the best possible gift she could hope for .she blushed, hey she blushed I was more than ecstatic, going totally out of control. I clinched my fist in the air jumping like mad, she blushed yes she did. Sometimes cell phones can be nuisance and it was. It rang loud breaking the silence around, screen flashing my sis name .it was time to go , I dint want to go but there was no real choice. I swung the door open, jumped in roared the engine to life ,waved at her she waved back, She said something that blew my guilt away, she thanked me for the present, holy cow she thanked me for the present…..I was totally surprised and confused what did I gift her?....shall I ask her what did I gift….no I thought, a wise decision from absolute dumb. I could see her in rear view mirrors, written across them was ”objects appear closer than the are” but it should be other way around.

To be continued

Lance

LANCE

“Cycling hurts but quitting hurts even more”

What would you do when nothing is going your way not even your damn life…whine like dog…… blaming everyone and everything their involvement being subject of least importance. You know somebody is weakening your knees so that you would never stand back again. they want you dead .how would you react if somebody said that death was lying rite next you I guess it would leave you terrified absolutely clueless what’s going to happen next…….. Those are the situations where champions standout .to be a champion you need not do anything which is out of the world. You just need to believe that if u give your best you will never fail. LANCE is a champion and he believed in it.

For me Lance Armstrong’s story is one of the most incredible one because he has had this awful battle with death and won each one of them. Those battles have left there scars on him ….but for the cancer community those are not the scars but the symbol of human endurance and those scars scream out loud that miracles do happen and you just need to believe that they can happen.

AWFUL FATHER AWESOME MOTHER

In my view unpleasant childhood is essential ingredient to be a champion. Champion’s usually don’t have a comfortable childhood Lance’s was not even close to being comfortable .His father made sure that the essential ingredient was given in plenty. Kudos to his mother she decides to put an end for the misery Lance was suffering …..She took a divorce .She made sure that Lance got everything he wanted without letting him of the hook .She stood beside him in thick and thin of his life…..Lance respects her like I dream to respect mine…what would Lance be without her….I won’t dare imagine it .I am just happy that he got the mother he deserved and she got the son she deserved.

FROM CHAMPION TO NOBODY

Its not like other stories where everything is built from the scratch .In those the lead character has never smelt success so in my view it calls for brute force application of their passion and will. its enough if the character believes in himself and backs his self-confidence with hard work I know its easier said than done and it calls for tremendous application. I am no way offending those stories in fact I am always grateful for those who have helped everyone to realize “Life Is Beautiful” but Lance’s comeback is quite different .He was already a winner when the world around him collapsed. He had already tasted success……success of the some of the highest caliber in cycling .On his way to the top of the cycling peak fate delt him a blow……blow which would make him a man he his today. Its amazing how Lance did a phoenix from there because he had already set standards for himself (by winning races).When you are doing phoenix and if can’t make that cut you are deemed as failure…..failure is something when your 100% is not just good enough. The fear of failure was looming large ….fear can drain courage out of you that’s what it did for Lance. He of all people thought that he could not do a phoenix .Strange but true he had given up the hope of achieving what he has done today.

LANCE’S BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT?

“Surviving cancer was more important than winning tour de France”-Lance

Time and time again Lance has said that he is more proud to be a cancer survivor than a tour de France winner. Every time he climbs those monstrous peaks a new hope sprouts in cancer community .A hope which makes millions believe that they can fight the disease…a hope which keeps millions alive…..a hope which fuels millions more …..Hope is an incredible thing probably the best thing. It can push someone from death bed to beautiful life and for millions Lance is the source of hope he winning the TDF winds up millions of cancer patient makes them believe that they can survive…. shows them that the disease is beatable.

THE ACCUSATIONS

“People will throw stones at you it depends whether you build a wall or a bridge”

Let alone believing in miracle people refused to believe in the fact that he had won the TDF .The miracle of someone from death bed winning the TDF was indigestible for many those people called his first victory a fluke. Let me tell this fluke is when you win something without any preparation .TDF cannot be won without preparation .Tell me why on earth would he dope and jeopardize his health when he knows he is lucky to be alive .Why do people make such crazy accusations? Only because a cancer survivor winning TDF was unimaginable or they simply refuse to believe in miracles .When such awful accusation are made you tend to loose your concentration …you start disrespecting everything but Lance the champion proved otherwise .He held his concentration tight he answered those accusations by winning his second TDF .People who called his first victory fluke just seemed to go numb but those crazy accusations continued….I am delighted to point out that he has never tested positive .Every accusation they made spurred him on. Its there to see that it took some time for the world to believe that a cancer survivor had won the TDF .people who dint want to believe in miracle challenged him to win the third TDF…they said it would be impossible as it included opponents such as Ulrich in better shape. Lance blew away the field by winning the TDF in record time then followed the 4^th, 5th, 6th, and 7^th.

GIVING BACK

People tend to forget where they came from .They do all the hard work scale new heights and they forget the equipments which helped them to get there .But Lance is not a person who forgets his past .He constantly remembers and reminds that he is a cancer survivor .He has done tremendous things to the cancer community. Lance Armstrong Foundation(LAF) educates millions about the cancer, helps them to lead a better and healthier life .His name alone does what a chemo fails to do that’s to give hope…….

LANCE IS GOD